One Decision Away

Waiting is not an easy thing to do.  
I don't want to wait in a long line.  
I don't want to wait in a queue when calling a company.  
I don't want to wait on good news/bad news.  
I don't want to wait for someone to call me back.
I don't want to wait to hear if I got the job.
I don't want to wait on the microwave to ding.
I don't want to wait on the car in front of me to speed up on the interstate.
I don't want to wait my turn....

While there are some things that I have control over when it comes to my wait period, there are some circumstances where I simply have to wait.  The wait is a part of a larger process, a larger work that is happening in me....yes, I get that, but that doesn't stop me from quitting (in my  mind) about 1-3 times a quarter.  Perhaps it's because I feel that it's so far-fetched.  Perhaps I'm not 100% sure of what I'm waiting on.  Perhaps it's because I'm just tired of waiting.  I can't give an exact answer on why I shut down and quit (in my mind) throughout this waiting period.  When I'm consumed in my thoughts, I have battles in my mind....it's like my flesh battling against my spirit.  My flesh says quit/give up/throw in the towel/move on, but my spirit hears 'wait on God'.  Agh!  It's frustrating!  I've asked God and even pleaded with Him to do things a different way....as if I know life better than He does.  One thing I am sure of is this - As consistent as I am with wanting to give up, God is that much more consistent with not allowing me to.  Each and every time that I've told God, "I can't do this", He sends me a Word that strengthens me in that exact moment, and the Word is consistently the same..."wait on Me, Tasha".  "Ok, great, God!  You won't even let me quit!"  Those are my sarcastic thoughts and conversations with God as I come back to myself.

Every day, I am one decision away from either making God proud that I've passed the test or making a complete mess of my life.....just one decision.

Lastly, as I was having "one of my moments" recently and engaged in an all-out war in my mind, I told myself how ridiculous and impossible it was.  I told myself I could do my life my way.  At that moment, I had again quit.  I wanted to pick up the phone and call my pastor to vent about my frustrations.  But as the war went on, God began to speak louder than my flesh.  I swallowed the lump in my throat as the tears streamed down my face.  Through all of this, God gave me this word...

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9 NIV)

Well, I suppose that pretty much sums it up.  My truth is that I dislike waiting; however, the bigger truth is that waiting is beneficial to me.  Even now as I type the words of this post, I am trembling in such a deep reverential fear of God as I know He is ingraining this Word into my spirit.  The next time you are in a battle (flesh against spirit) over a Word God gave you, please remember - you are one decision away from reaching your destiny or reaching your downfall.  If you let Him, God will carry you through.  YOUR strength may leave you, but God says, "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew THEIR strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31).

-Tash 
#Word #BeFabulouslyBlessed

Rerouting...

I remember driving down that narrow road feeling lost mixed with a bit of helplessness, frustration, and fear.

It happened in December of 2014 after leaving my kid's cheer squad Christmas party.  We had been in Hot Springs all day for a cheer competition.  Afterwards, we celebrated at a pizza parlor with the rest of the squad.  Then, my kid and I parted ways.  She rode back with her dad so that I could attend a friend's birthday dinner in Little Rock.  So, I was driving along the interstate, alone in the car, headed out of Hot Springs, and depending on the directions from my phone's GPS to guide me.....and then it happened.  I messed up!  I wasn't paying attention!  And I missed an Exit.  No big deal, right?  I was fully confident that my GPS would get me back on track in just a matter of two, maybe 3 turns.  Well, it didn't happen that way.  As I got off on the next available Exit, I looked down at my phone to see "Rerouting" on the display.  I stared and stared, but it didn't update fast enough so I just drove.  Then a new set of directions came up, and I proceeded to follow this new path.

This new set of directions did not immediately take me back to the interstate (as I had expected) to be on my merry way.  I had to make a few turns and travel down a long, curvy, narrow road.  As I was driving along this road, light faded to darkness.  Remember, I was just on the interstate maybe two minutes prior and the skies appeared blue and settled.  Then out of nowhere, it started to get dark all around me.  I was in an unfamiliar place, in the middle of nowhere, going nowhere fast, and the road seemed to get longer.  Picture a wooded area at night that hardly anyone travels or knows about because it is the back road to the back road....yea, that.  Although my GPS told me this was the road I needed to be on to get back on track, I still felt lost.  Then came the frustration as I blamed the "stupid GPS" for not giving me accurate directions and clearly getting me lost.  And then came the fear, and my thoughts were overtaken with the paralysis that comes with fear.....

"What if something happens and my car stops and someone pretending to help me comes along and takes me and does harm to me and then my kid will have to be raised without her mother and what about my family and what if no one finds me because they didn't know I was back here.....????  God, please help me get out of here!  Thank you, Lord, (in advance) for showing me the way out and for protecting me and covering me in the blood of Jesus!"

As my thoughts of defeat turned to thoughts of faith and praise, I came upon the main road that led me back to the interstate.  Finally!  I was back on track.

How many times in your life have you felt "off track", "traveling a road alone", and "lost"?  Undoubtedly, at least one time.....and if you're really honest with yourself, probably several times.  These things about life and the way God teaches us (His children) strikes me as nothing short of amazing.  As soon as I met back up with the main road, God immediately downloaded into my spirit the spiritual lesson behind what had just occurred.  I could have pulled over and praised Him right there on that interstate.

Sometimes we are going on in life and just living according to the status quo.  Then, we encounter varying situations that gets us away from life "as we knew it" and on a different path.  That Exit that I missed can be synonymous with things we miss in life as it relates to listening to God.  It could be that God has given us a directive, but instead of walking in obedience, we exercise our free will and conclude that we're going to do that thing another way....our own way.  As a result of that act of disobedience, we end up in a dark place in our lives that has us feeling lost and like we can't find our way.  Don't be ashamed of that place.....that place forced you to grow and here you can come to know God in a way you had not known Him before.  You're not really lost, you've just gotten rerouted.

Perhaps, your missed Exit wasn't out of disobedience, but divinely orchestrated by God.  

"A person's steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand their own way?"

-Proverbs 20:24 (NIV)

God looked at you in your "status quo" situation and saw that there needed to be a change, a transition, a shift in your life.  In order to do this though, He has to pull you off that comfortable road you're on, away from the busyness of life, away from the distractions.  It can be quite uncomfortable as God takes you through a period of transition, but trust that it's for your good.  There's no physical body around for you to depend on. God has gotten you all alone.  He has something to say.  Are you listening?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

As you're going through, you won't always understand exactly what is happening and why it is happening, but continue to trust God in it.  There may be days when you'll get frustrated with the process.  There may be times when you want to blame God for putting you in that place.  Other times, the enemy will try to send fear to you in an effort to get you to doubt God and His promises that have already been pronounced over your life.  But what will get you through, what will keep you from crumbling is your FAITH and your PRAISE in it.  Often times, God will put us into certain situations to check our response.  Will we continue to believe Him?  Will be remain alert enough to learn the lesson He's trying to teach us?  Will we allow Him to work IN us to mold us into that person that He says we are?  I know that situation can get really dark and looking through the lens of our physical eyes, we see no end in sight.  I have wanted to turn around on many occasions when in an uncomfortable position, but God kept me there for a reason.  God has not gotten you to this place to leave you, and He didn't do it to set you up for hurt, harm, or danger.  Your "REROUTING" serves a tremendous purpose in your life.  Let His work be made perfect in you and watch the transformation that will take place in your own life and in the lives of those around you, those who YOUR testimony is assigned to.  Remember that God does NOTHING without purpose.  He doesn't get pleasure out of your misery.  So, if you feel like you're in a dark and lonely place or a really low place in life, turn your thoughts and actions to those of praise.  Be deliberate in your faith, even when you don't feel like it.  Soon, you will meet back up with that main road better than you were when you first got off of it.

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

-Jeremiah 29:12 (NIV)

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

-Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)

"I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

-Jeremiah 29:14 (NIV)

Be fabulously blessed!

-Tasha

10 x THREE = 30

Ten years for the FATHER...
10 years for the SON...
Ten years for the HOLY GHOST...

NOW, I live.  Thanking God for this NEW LIFE He has afforded me!  Whew!  I really can't tell it all, but here's a little something.  Colorful sticky notes collected the first pieces of this blog around 1am on 01/20/12 chronicling the last decade of my life.  It's a "very real" look into the past decade of my life.  Age ranges are grouped together in choppy and probably grammatically incorrect sentences.  The last year in my 20s is month by month.  It's kind of lengthy (we're talking 10 years....and really this is not the half).  Wherever you are in life, I hope God speaks to you in this.

Ages 20-22
In college at UCA finishing up my Sophomore year.  Cool.
Made lots of mistakes.  Not so cool.
Little to no identity.  Kinda just went with the flow....even if it didn't feel right.
Prayer life?  Yea, when I really "needed" God to do something, like pay a bill, help on a test, don't let me be pregnant.  That sort of thing...
Graduated UCA in 2004 at age 22 with no clue about what was next.
My "extreme" kicking it days.
A "girl" searching for acceptance.
Afraid of being alone and single.
I know Jane Etta (my mama) prayed a whole lot during these years.  She showed herself to not only care about me as her daughter, but as a soul that needed to be saved.....for real.  Thanks, Mommy :)
FOX RUN Apt B-11....moved out on my own living alone for the first time ever.
New lifelong friends came into my life whom I still call "sisters" to this day.
Worked at a daycare for in LR in 2002 at age 20.  Fell in love with the name of a little girl there and promised myself if I ever had children (a girl), I would name her this.  Of course the name was Brooklyn, and the promise was kept 5 years later.....with an extra 'n'.
Tried my hand as an independent sales rep selling knives with Cutco.....failed miserably.  This is how I knew sales was not my area!
Daddy got married.  Went to NJ for the wedding.
Started career at Acxiom at age 22.  I was really still a baby.

Ages 23-25
Corporate world grew me up big time!
Bought a house.
Started Masters program at Webster (LRAFB)
Experienced a lot of hurt and pain that only God could heal....though at this time I didn't know He was really doing the healing.
My 1st sis, Lanisa, graduated HS
Traveled to NJ to be with my daddy and his wife for Christmas in '06.
Joined facebook (I mean y'all really needed to know when I joined the book, right?  lol)
Joined Salem Missionary Baptist Church!
Found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day in 2007 (crazy, huh!).  I was 25.
Birthed a beautiful baby girl on her exact due date after 18.5 hours of labor.  Good God!
Switched to Masters program at UCA & almost dropped out in 2nd semester after having a baby on 01/08/08, with classes starting on 01/10/08.....BUT GOD.  To Him I give the glory for strengthening me during that time and ordering my steps AND giving me a great support system.  I said, "I can't do this".  God said, "Tasha can't....but I AM that great I AM & I CAN".  Kendra was my class buddy and a great encourager.  Crystal Floyd would drive to my house every night I had class and watch my "brand new" baby while I was in class and her father was at work.  Very loyal friends, and I thank God for blessing me with these two ladies to be very instrumental in that season of my life and everyone else who believed in me, extended a helping hand, and prayed me through it.  Thank you!

Ages 26-28
3 words.  One for each year of this 3 year span.....TRANSITION, TRANSITION, TRANSITION
@26, settling into my new role as Mommy
@26 completed Masters program at UCA
@26 Orthodontic treatment started (I'm a few feet away from the finish line now)
@27 traveled to Destin, FL for my 1st prayer retreat.  Encountered God in a way I never had before and came back to AR "different" to say the least.  Eyes began to open...
Thought I could have the best of both worlds.....God made me choose.  
@27called into ministry and preached first sermon on December 13, 2009.
Started wearing eyeglasses....wow
Very pivotal time in my life spiritual wise.  Learning about God and who I am to Him.
Had to make hardest decisions of my life.
Witnessed the electing and the inaugurating of the U.S.'s first African American president
Learning to discern God speaking.
LOTS of faith tests.  I must not have been passing them too good because they kept coming, lol.
Dreams
Attended a "Watch Meeting" for the first time
10 year class reunion for McGehee High School's Class of 2000
My 2nd sis, Whitney, graduated high school

Became an Auntie to a blessed nephew named Kabrien James :)
The promises of God are "Yea & Amen"...

Age 29
God's Grace and Mercy
Learning more about ME....about time, huh :)
A whole new faith walk.....still learning everyday
At this point, some things just aren't as important as they once were....if at all



The Last Months of Year 29...

May-June '11
"Now FAITH is the substance of things hoped for...."
Yep, there were most def months of faith.

July '11
Hair cut!  Decided on short for a while.  Not a mid-life thing, just a little change.  Change is good :).  Is change good?

August '11
Participated in my first Rhea Lana event as a consignor.  Fun and it paid off so no complaints here :).
My baby flew on an airplane for the first time....and without me.  I was fearful at first, but thank God for peace.

September '11
Results!  Oh yes, I love results :)

October '11
Hmmmm.... ????

November '11
A month of thanks.  I spent my first Thanksgiving totally alone thinking it would be good for me.....not so much.
In other news....A process started in my life that only God could have initiated.....THANKFUL!  When I tried to do it previously, it came to nothing.  POINT:  Let Him work it out :)
Ended a 29 year relationship.....with Jiffy Cornbread Muffin Mix.  Y'all laughing, but this was a serious breakup!  I made my first pan of homemade cornbread from scratch :) #LOOKOUT

December '11
Year end anticipation.  Wondering how God would close out the 2011 chapter in my life and transition me into the 2012 one.  I made it over, obviously, lol.  So, I'm grateful :)

January '12
Song lyrics I was thinking of on 01/20/12.... "Disappointments, I've had my share of disappointments.  But, I'm still here.....  Through it all, I made it through another day's journey.  God kept me here."
I encourage you to find out why you're still here if you don't know already.  I'm sure we can all look back and see the many, many times where God could have taken us out.

February '12
What Can I Do For You?  Helping others brings a great joy....even just doing nice, unexpected things to see a smile on someone's face.  For me, that's what this month was about.  Crazy thing is that now as I type this, I have no idea what happened to make me include this, lol.  Whatever the case, it has been included for a reason.  SMILE :)
Well so much for the "short hair change", ha!  Officially started growing my GLORY back this month.
March '12
John's month....
If I had never heard "John" before in my life, I promise you I nearly heard enough of this name for a lifetime in this month alone.
A deeper study into the Gospel as recorded by John begins...

April '12

At the dawn of this month, as I anticipate and wait with excitement on MY DATE, all kinds of thoughts, past experiences, failures, triumphs, etc... flood my mind.  "I am actually turning 30!" is what I thinking to myself.  I have never been so excited about a birthday and certainly have never felt so blessed.  Just in the past year and a half, the devil has made several attempts to take me out.  He didn't want me to see this day, BUT MY GOD.  God had allowed me to still be here.

As the contents of this blog speaks to pieces of the last decade of my life, I'm getting an even clearer understanding of grace after seeing how the past 30 years that grace is truly was I have been abiding under.  Of those 30 years, I only recently came to really understand and appreciate this gift from God.  I used to live with no appreciation of my tomorrow because in my world, surely tomorrow would come just as it had come today.  I didn't know that I was only breathing because of His grace.  Until I came to realize that I was a sinner and came to a point of fearing I had run out of grace, I had no regard for it.

I've gone to college and received a bachelor's degree....check.
Started a career in my field....check.
Went back to further my education and received a master's degree....check.
But tell me this....
What is an accolade or an accomplishment without an Advocate?  I can look back over the past 10 years at all that has been accomplished, all that has been worldly, and yea I can smile and be pleased.  BUT in all that getting this and receiving that, I've accomplished not a thing if I don't have Jesus Christ, my Advocate, my Savior and Lord, who is pleading my case every day, and is THE ONLY reason I consistently receive a supply of grace day after day.  So, now when I look back....it's not the degrees, it's not the house, it's not the partying, or the cars.  My greatest accomplishment came in 2009 at the age of 27 when I made the choice to begin an intimate relationship with God, to purposely get to know Him.  You see, I knew of Him before, but not on purpose.  I knew what you told me, but that wasn't sufficient enough for my own salvation.  This would indeed be the highlight of not only the last 10 years, but of my entire 30.  After all, what is life without the One who gave it to you?


Be blessed...

Just Follow the Red Brick Road

Who has NOT experienced any trouble in your life, or has NEVER been in a difficult situation that YOU can't seem to shake or figure out?  If this is you, raise your hand and tell your neighbor....  Ok, so since we're not in church and I really can't see you, I'm just going to make a high assumption that none of you reading this actually raised your hand because this certainly didn't apply to you.  Even if you are fresh out of the womb, just one nanosecond old, you really can't raise your hand because the Bible teaches us that we are all born into sin.  And sin ain't nothing but what?  Trouble!  Am I right?  If so, keep reading...

I have never watched "The Wiz" before.  I came across it on Thanksgiving Day searching for something to watch so I paused there and watched it for a little while (though I did not watch the entire movie).  I turned to it at the point where Dorothy (played by Diana Ross) encountered the Scarecrow (played by Michael Jackson) for the first time.  She and her dog ToTo had been displaced from their home by way of some windstorm....you know the storyline.  So, she's in search of the wizard in hopes that he will be able to get her back home.  Well, it just so happens that the Scarecrow is missing a brain and could also benefit from visiting the wizard.  He joins her and they begin their journey, "off to see the wizard....the wonderful wizard of oz".  But how do they get there?  In this particular story, their only instruction is to "follow the yellow brick road".  And, of course, (as I'm sure you are aware), they encounter others along the way who are missing this and that and join their journey in hopes of getting from the wizard what's missing in their lives.  Hmmm...  I think it would be fitting to say that these individuals were in places of trouble and difficulties in their lives.....places where they were faced with situations that they couldn't see how to fix.  So, off to the wizard they all went.

What are you missing?  Who do you feel is missing from your life?  Where are you looking to find that which is missing?  Are you on a yellow brick road looking for some magical medicine to change your situation?  Wow!  There's sooo much to be said about what all we feel is missing from our lives and how we go about searching for those missing parts, but for the purposes of this blog I'm trying to keep it as short as possible :).  We really do all need to step back sometimes and examine the journey that we are on and answer these questions I have posed.  I'm thinking deeply and answering them where Tasha is concerned even as I type this.  One thing that is for sure....I definitely can't say that I've always looked in the right places or taken the right roads to get to the person/place holding my missing parts.  I'll go even further and tell you that I have felt myself to be missing some things (from childhood on up) that I have not totally healed from yet and am just now, with God's help, coming to grips with the fact that I was on the wrong road and looking to false things/false people to find them.  *Big Sigh*  And I'm not saying "false" in the sense that these things and/or people were fake.  They are tangible, they actually exist, but "I" was trying to make them exist for the wrong purposes in "MY" life.  Who feels me on that?  A songwriter sings that he "searched all over, couldn't find nobody....looked high and low, still couldn't find nobody".  He found NO ONE or NOTHING to be greater than God!  And I bet, without you having to think too hard about it, you can honestly report that in all your searching and in all your looking here, there and everywhere, there was not one person nor one thing to be found greater than our God.  Now, that brings me to this...  What road should we be on?  If you've been on a yellow brick road that has led you even greater misunderstandings of who you are, what you're searching for, who's gonna give it to you, I challenge you to flip it and step onto the Red Brick Road.  I won't lie and say it's an easy road to travel.  You will encounter many difficult situations and trouble along the way, BUT it has its advantages.  For one, it's the road less traveled so if you have road rage like me....sometimes....(work on me Jesus!), you will find the ease of traveling fairly decent.  It's red, vibrant color is easy to spot, so in the event that you kind of veer off of the road and lose your way, the bold color will easily attract you back to it.  Another advantage is that Jesus traveled this road already and has left directions (the Bible) on how to follow along it.  I hear that's why the road is red.  Because see, He shed a lot of blood for us.  As He traveled this road, He wanted to leave evidence that everything you would face on your journey; though it may not seem favorable to you at the time.....IT'S ALL COVERED UNDER HIS BLOOD!  Someone may be thinking, "Well I'm IN trouble, and you're saying to get on a road that I may face even more trouble on?".  To that I say this....it is better to face your troubles WITH Jesus than WITHOUT Him.  So much more happens on this Red Brick Road than meets the eye.  Yea, your troubles may be very visible, but there is also a work of faith and perseverance being performed in you that you may not readily see...but you will.  The encounters with trouble and difficult situations really are making you stronger.  Answer this...and be real...  Do you find yourself praying MORE when in a troubled or hectic place in your life?  If your answer is yes, then you are most definitely benefiting from the trouble.  If we draw nearer to Him, He will draw nearer to us.  The more we call on God, the closer He is to us.

Whatever it is in your life that you feel is missing, just follow the Red Brick Road to God.  Jesus knows the way; in fact, He is the only way and He'll get you there.  Just get on the road and refuse to get off.  You may have to go through hell and high waters, but you won't be consumed in it.  You will make it through!  And whatever it is.....God has it.

Be blessed...